I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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