Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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