is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
