we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Thank you for stopping me from getting a butt tattoo. That was a good call.
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