The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
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