After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
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