I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
