THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
