I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
