Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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