Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
