We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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