should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
