Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
