I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
