Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
you never un-have a 4some
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
