I am puke
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize
