i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
You don't have a penis so I'm not texting you at this hour. This is penis texting hour only.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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