Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
