Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize