"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
I don't care. She's the only girl to make me feel like my face is melting when she blows me.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
