We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Randomize
