It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize