not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
