I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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