How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
