She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
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