The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
