i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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