Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
Randomize
