please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
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