Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
