What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
