I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
