We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Just took my morning after pill in the library
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
