my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
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