That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
bring money and cleavage
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Randomize
