i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
