Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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