This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
