Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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