Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
