return my video game
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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