i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
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