Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
