meet me or not, i'm out of control
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
