They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
