when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
