Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
