i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize
