I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
